So… you’ve heard of the Illuminati. You’ve heard of the Freemasons. Now meet the organization that actually matters: A.S.S. — The American Splooter Society.
Who’s in Charge?
Cody B. Cowdog, naturally. He’s the President, the Master Splooter, and the proud founder of this prestigious club for alternative canine gymnastics – splooting, also known as Floor Dogging, and Ground Dogging. Once a year A.S.S. holds its most sacred event: Ground Dog Day. Cody has dedicated his life to the art of lying flat on his belly with his legs stretched out like a floppy frog. If your dog likes to frog on the floor, then you might have a Ground Dog too, and new members to A.S.S. are welcome!
Backing him up is his sister, Callie Roo Khaleesi. She’s the Vice President, Membership Coordinator, Queen of All Things, Administrative ASSistant, Event Planner, and basically the reason the whole thing got off the ground (or on the ground?) Callie brings the brains, the beauty, and the sass. Cody brings…lizards, mud, and sometimes rocks, along with a keen eye over all members for the best splooting extravaganzas ever!
Why A.S.S.?
Because splooting isn’t just a pose. It’s a lifestyle. Our motto: “Flop Often, Flop Hard.”
Membership perks include:
Entry into the Extreme Nap-Off Championship
Invitations to Sploot in the Park Day
Coastal areas are invited to Beach Sploot, most popular along the Gulf Coast, West Coast and the eastern seaboard.
Attendance to the annual Ground Dog Event in a park near you.
Belly rubs at approved intervals
Access to our “Dog Wisdom” advice column — a literal page of wisdom no one asked for, but everyone needs.
Final Thoughts:
Cody says: “I like splooting. It’s fun, free and floptastic. I keep snacks close by too. Snacks are better after a morning sploot on the cold tile floor. Outside is best when the sun is high so it feels warm on my butt.
Callie says: “Membership is a privilege. For those pups who don’t belly sploot, there’s always the reverse sploot – lying upside down flat on your back with your belly straight up in the air. That’s my game. I tame that beast. Those members belong to a subcategory called A.S.S.E.T.S. (American Splooter Society Elite Tummy Show-offs). I’m the best. Try to keep up.”
So if you’ve ever flopped on the floor and refused to move, congratulations. You’re already one of us.
Welcome to A.S.S. — the club you never knew you needed, but now can’t live without.
In our next post we will talk about memberships, and the local events.
Lady C, Callie Roo and Cody too.
